The Joyce Plot-o-matic!

 

Yes! Now you too can write your own Joyce story! Simply click on the menu options below and you'll have a guranteed plot-line suitable for any Joyce fic. I'll bet Joss wishes he had it this easy!
Inspired by and based on the The Voyager Plot-o-matic, by Tony and Nancy Lammens.

 

Title: Bouffant Sophistication Mother Art Joyce Gallery Eternal Doomed Necklace of and for if with by between Repression Delusion Passion Seduction Concern Eternity Hair Death [Insert Latin here]

Joyce and Angel Anya Giles Wesley Cordelia Darla Drusilla Willow Oz Spike Xander Faith Kendra Glory Ethan Rayne Principal Snyder Ted Brian Jenny Calendar Mayor Wilkins are having sex about to have sex talking about having sex thinking about having sex making awkward smalltalk drinking hot chocolate and eating marshmallows discussing the latest acquisition at the gallery discussing Joyce's glorious bouffant bitching about Buffy getting married but the problem is it's not enough. one of them is a fortysomething mother. one of them is not into older women. one of them is already seeing someone. they don't actually like each other. one of them is a vampire. one of them needs magic candy to have sex. it's before the 9pm watershed. Meanwhile, at the Gallery at the Bronze at UC Sunnydale at Spike's crypt at the Magic Box at a random cemetery in Los Angeles in Joyce's jeep , Buffy Angel Wesley Darla Drusilla Xander Giles Willow Tara Anya Ethan Rayne Principal Snyder Spike Oz The Host and Buffy Angel Wesley Darla Drusilla Xander Giles Willow Tara Anya Ethan Rayne Principal Snyder Spike Oz The Host a random unpronouncable demon his/her vampire doppleganger from an alternate universe are having sex. about to have sex. talking about having sex. thinking about having sex. flirting. avoiding one another. getting married. talking demony gobbledegook. contemplating the Sunnydale by Evening painting. singing a duet at Caritas. fighting with big scary swords. having a bitchfight. listening to Buffy whine. wondering how Joyce keeps her hair so shiny and voluminous. wondering how Joyce puts up with Buffy's whinyness. pondering the nature of good and evil. pondering the nature of Joyce's long necklaces. Suddenly, a big scaly demon with big teeth and claws that Cubist exhibit Joyce never much liked Joyce's jeep a group of renegade Initiative soldiers a hellgod that resembles first season Cordelia a shimmery portal to a demon dimension Anne Robinson an African fertility statue explodes announces SMG has won an Emmy starts speaking in a dead language starts hacking them to pieces wrecks the Maplethorpe nudes. sings a Seals and Croft song says he/she comes in peace and was just lost in this neighbourhood says 'you are the weakest link...goodbye!' , forcing everyone into hormonal overdrive. into a conveniently unlocked mansoleum. to whip out their own weapons. to strike a provocative pose. to contemplate their path in life. to run away screaming. to compliment Joyce's hair. to wear lots of leather and look sexy. to blurt out their most secret fantasies. to return to their Winnebagoes. to have sex. Naturally enough, Joyce gets on the situation right away and fixes her hair lectures Buffy looks confused wears a stripey top has an awkward conversation makes hot chocolate throws on another long necklace changes into a red nightie represses all knowledge starts an action group because the children told her to , while Buffy Angel Wesley Darla Drusilla Xander Giles Willow Tara Anya Ethan Rayne Principal Snyder Spike Oz The Host a random unpronouncable demon her vampire doppleganger from an alternate universe ogles nekkid Angel. ignores Buffy's incessant whining. complains about the dirt on his/her expensive new shirt. makes a bitchy comment. admires Joyce's hair. blames Spike. For everything. Ever. gets captured by a demon. is ineffectual in a fight. wears large hooped earings. kills and maims lots of demons/vampires/trolls. drinks tea. Fortunately, the problem can be solved simply by ducking out the way. if Buffy shows up out the blue. by killing a few demons. by beating Spike repeatedly with a large stick. by destroying the glowing, powerful, yet strangely plastic-looking crystal. by belting out a Juice Newton number at Caritas. by chanting something in latin and throwing some fairy dust around. by having sex. by NOT having sex. by killing Anne Robinson. This means of course, that the other problem, relating to Angel's soul diminished attendence at the Gallery Buffy's whininess the impending Apocalypse Joyce's lack of romance since her divorce Xander's secret crush on Joyce the repercussions of having sex on the hood of a police car a world shortage of hairspray Buffy's duty as the Slayer how to let people know about this Joyce's new business selling long necklaces the strangely hypnotic African tribal art can be solved by amazing powers of repression. chopping the head off a random demon. making some hot chocolate. Again. having sex again. This time standing up. drinking more tea with Giles and Wesley. raising the admission price. gagging Buffy having a compassionate chat. eating more magic candy bars. As the story ends, everyone gets drunk on tequila at Caritas. wakes up next to the Host after getting drunk on tequila at Caritas. develops a nasty itch. goes to The Bronze and shakes their booty. bitches at each other. denies all knowledge. blames it all on Spike. Again. shaves their heads because they'll never match Joyce's magnificent hairstyle. has sex. Lots of it.

The End

And there you have it! Your own plot line for a slash story, suitable for posting to Listservs, websites and refrigerator doors!

 

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